(How) Can we read? Some Dos and Don'ts for Reading Aloud

September 19, 2024

I have said many times that there is no right or wrong way to raise readers.

There aren’t rules and regulations for reading aloud, or mandates for the “best” way to get books into the hands of the children in your lives (no matter what some listicle or podcast or even whole published book may say). Building a culture of reading in your home (or classroom or library or fort built out of empty soda cans and yarn) is a highly personal endeavor. I might suggest things that you can’t or don’t want to do or that simply don’t work in your sitation, and that’s okay, and of course, vice versa. What I’ve created for my own family over the past decade has been a mishmash of learned strategies, stolen ideas, things that were done for me as a child, experimentation, and making it work however I can — and I’ve failed as much as I’ve succeeded.

That doesn’t mean there isn’t good advice to give — especially if you are a first-time parent, or didn’t grow up in a household where reading and books were valued or shared so you’re doing the uphill work of figuring it out as an adult (GOOD FOR YOU, btw).

But the following Dos and Don’ts are less rules of behavior and more helpful guidelines — as ever, take what you like and leave the rest, because it’s your reading life in your family, and you know your kiddos and your home best.

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DO establish some kind of reading routine, no matter how unconventional

It’s impossible to raise readers without actually reading to them. You may have the best intentions in the world, and you might adopt all the tips and tricks, but if you’re not reading, forget it.

Establish some kind of routine. Ideally that’s a daily routine, but it can also be an every-other-day routine and the whole endeavor will not collapse. It doesn’t have to be at bedtime — let me repeat, it does not have to be a bedtime. Find a slice of time that works for your family and stick to it.

Consistency >>> perfection.

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DO remember that the habit of attention takes time

I hope you know that your toddler is most likely not going to sit still while you read The Count of Monte Cristo out loud — nor should they. That doesn’t mean they can’t listen to you read more complex texts than board books, it just means that they are still learning how to listen.

Learning how to listen is just that: learning. It’s an acquired skill. If you didn’t read to your children when they were small and you are playing catch-up now that they are older, this is still true. I know plenty of adults who are terrible at listening, and to expect our kids to know how to do this, often overnight, is unrealistic.

You have to build the habit like any other — start small, stay consistent, don’t expect perfection (are you sensing a theme?), and keep going.

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DO offer books to the child you have

You may want to read your kiddos Shakespeare — and that’s okay! and you can! — but they may want to read about dinosaurs or pickles or Mars, and it’s your job to help them do both.

If you are always reading books you choose, or picking titles for them, or (please no!) holding them back from what they’re interested in, they miss out on the chance to develop their own taste.

Accept who they are by accepting what they want to read, even if you don’t love it, even if you wish they were reading something different or “better.” Remember that your goal is raising readers. Doesn’t matter what they read, just that they’re reading.

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DO involve your kids in choosing your read-alouds

This may seem simplistic but I’ve been surprised at the number of people who fail to to involve their kids in choosing read-alouds.

Now you may be thinking, that’s all well and good, SARAH, but my child is three.

Okay. And? Last time I checked, 3-year-olds (let’s be real: threenagers) have Opinions. Lots of them. Use that developmental stage to grant them agency and cultivate a reading relationship fostered on respect and choice.

This goes for every other age and stage.

Involve them. Your family culture of reading will be richer for this.

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DO lead by example

Leader is a title, but it’s also an action. You cannot be the reading leader in your home or classroom without reading yourself.

(And: passion is contagious! Create a little virus of reading! 🦠)

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DO read them poetry

Okay, I tacked this one on because it’s a nonnegotiable DO to me, but I recognize not everyone will agree. Nevertheless, it’s part of my mission here to convince you, no matter how long it takes, that poetry is accessible and delightful and important for children.

Don’t believe me? Read my post:

Why poetry matters for kids

Poetry is not a “one and done” thing — you don’t read a few poems once in awhile and expect that anyone is going to enjoy poetry. No, poetry is less a meal and more a snack — a little here and there throughout the day and week. Simple. Tasty.

The poet Leland Jacobs says of poetry, “It’s more caught than taught.” This is true. You don’t have to do anything with poetry other than read it.

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DON’T get hung up on “reading levels”

Do not even get me started on the leveling of books, or the idea of reading levels in general. This whole concept has done far more damage than not, and that’s a hill I’ll die on.

But for those of you who are still seduced by the premise that levels are real and something you should take into consideration: don’t read above a child’s emotional level, but you can certainly read above a child’s intellectual level, as long as this is not the only reading you’re doing.

The approach I’ve taken with my own kids is to read aloud slightly above their current level, which is, of course, complicated by the fact that I have two children with different needs. I do my best. But I provide books — ostensibly that they will read, or “read” on their own — both two years above and two years below their grade/age level.

(That is how I assess their “level” — I use their grade/age, then I go by what I know of their current skills, plus instinct. This isn’t life or death.)

My biggest advice, as ever, is to not be a snob about the titles you’re providing. Kids develop as readers — and in every other way — at different paces and different times and that is 100% developmentally normal. You might not want to give them books that seem too easy, but they need that, and you might not want to give them books that seem too hard, but they need that too, at least a little.

The best strategy is to get over the idea of levels and offer a mishmash of options.

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DON’T read too fast — please!

Many parents and caregivers read at a pace that is simply too fast.

Sarah Mackenzie has a terrific podcast episode about this very thing — RAR #115: Are you Making this Mistake When you Read Aloud With Your Kids? — in which she demonstrates the difference between reading too fast and reading at a pace that makes the experience more meaningful.

She quotes Jim Trelease of the iconic Read-Aloud Handbook, which is worth adding here:

“Read slowly enough for the child to build mental pictures of what [they] just heard you read. Slow down enough for the child to see the pictures in the book without feeling hurried.”

Slow. Down.

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DON’T require that your children sit still while listening

I don’t know where we ever got the idea that the only way to listen is to sit perfectly still and attentive, but we can do away with that notion right here, right now. If you can listen to an audiobook while on walk, or talk to someone in your household while you’re cooking dinner, or watch TV while you are simultaneously doing something else, your children can fidget, move around the room, jump on a dang trampoline while you’re reading.

They are listening. It doesn’t look like the kind of listening we value most highly, but it’s still listening.

100% not listening as I read aloud

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DON’T read anything you hate

Now, I am not talking about how much you might hate reading the same book over and over to your toddler, who may request Go, Dog, Go! eleventy-hundred times in one day — that, my friends, is an actual developmental need for repetition that you need to indulge for the sake of their growing brains. I’m sorry. I know it’s a hard period of reading. And I promise it will pass, sooner rather than later, so hang in there.

No, I’m talking about books that you cannot stand reading because they’re boring, pedantic, poorly written, difficult to read, or any other reason under the sun.

When my daughters were super into the Rainbow Magic series by Daisy Meadows, I really tried. I read these books to them, despite the fact that I find them painfully formulaic. I went along with this for months… until I just couldn’t anymore. (The writing in those books isn’t half bad and it’s a fantastic series for hooking developing readers, they’re just not for me 100x over.)

So I told them that I would read them one Rainbow Magic book a month, and if they wanted more, they had to read them themselves. (My eldest could read at this point; I’m not a monster.)

My point is that you are not a martyr here — your enjoyment matters, not only because it matters, full stop, but also because your lack of enthusiasm shows up in your delivery. Children can feel when you’re not into it — anything, including books — and that makes reading feel dull and lifeless, when of course, you’re trying to share the exact opposite experience.

This is a balance everyone has to figure out for themselves, but it’s worth considering.

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DON’T value quantity over quality

A weird trend has emerged in book culture, where we’re all obsessed with how many books we’re reading (and of course, more is better) when really, this doesn’t matter at all.

What we’re reading — even, maybe especially — to our children is a much better metric by which to measure whether or not our reading lives are going well or not.

So don’t focus on how many books you’re reading; focus on good books that everyone enjoys.

Don’t know how to identify a good book? I’ve got a post for that!

(How) Can we read? Choosing good books

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DON’T stop reading aloud

That’s it.

That’s all.

Don’t stop.

Read aloud to your children for as long as they will let you.

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But also, also, also: if you’re reading aloud at all, you’re doing an outstanding job.

Don’t — I repeat, DON’T (see what I did there?) — let perfect be the enemy of good. No one is doing this perfectly. Trust me: I’ve neglected all the Dos on this list and I’ve done all the Don’ts. It happens. You can still build an incredibly rich and wonderful reading life, you can still give your kiddos the priceless gift of reading aloud, just by doing the best you can.

Keep going; you’ve got this 💪
Sarah

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