Today I’ve got a question from a subscriber (thanks, Meg!) that’s so common as to be nearly universal. And lord knows I don’t have an answer, because even though my children are 10 and 7yo, bedtime is still a nightly feat of pain and endurance (mine and my husband’s) crossed with the energy of a nuclear reactor (the children’s).
I have said many times in the past that I am my worst self at bedtime and this remains true. I work on it, I do. And when we get past a certain point — when my kiddos are actually in bed, and we are reading something captivating, and I am seriously considering a career in audiobook narration because it’s all flowing so beautifully, and I turn the lights out and snuggle them — I remember why I persist in doing this. Not just because they need to be put to bed, but why I bother with the whole rigamarole: it’s worth it. And I wouldn’t trade those moments, lying quietly with them body to body, for anything in the world.
It just takes so much to get there. It is NOT easy, and it might never be easy. At least I know I’m not alone.
Questions from you 📬
I have a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old and am finding it difficult to juggle bedtime reading for both. Previously, our routine was to read two books to the oldest but now the youngest wants to select them too. They both love reading, it’s just hard to squeeze it all in before bed. I want to keep up the routine and allow for choice for them both. Do you have any practical tips about how to structure bedtime reading for these ages? Thank you so much!
Let’s help Meg out together.
What is your nighttime routine with two or more kiddos?
What works, what doesn’t, what’s still in progress?
This is always an adventure and never perfect, but my solution for my 3 was to read one book to the youngest in their bed while the older kids looked at books in theirs. Then I went to read to the next oldest, etc. Everyone got at least one book or chapter this way, but yes it took forever and yes I was exhausted for years and years 😏 If there was something everyone wanted, kids might squish together, but there were always three books!
My husband and I would divide and conquer - each of us would take one bedtime and then we’d switch which kid’s bedtime we did every other night. That way they could be out to bed by either parent. Of course this assumes a 2-partner household which is not the situation everyone has! When I travel, our older son does something independently while my husband puts the 3.5 year old to bed. Their bedtimes are different enough that they can be done completely separately. However, that does mean we spent a good hour putting the kids to bed. It has gotten shorter as the older son (age 6) reads independently now so he will read a chapter with me and then reads on his own in bed for 10-15 minutes before we turn his lights out.
I have a 3 and 6 yo and we start the routine together with each of them getting to pick one book I read aloud. Then I put my youngest to bed & my husband puts our oldest down, reading her another book or two. If my husband is traveling, my oldest does something independently in her room while I put youngest down then come to her. It all takes about an hour-ish. I wish it was shorter but after just being on vacation & out of our routine (bedtime took 2 hours 🤯), this seems to be working well for us overall.
Divide and conquer—husband bathes the older two while I put the baby down, including a little baby book. About an hour later, we each take one kid and read a book to the four year old and a chapter of a book to the five and a half year old, switching kids each night. When my husband is traveling, I read the same book to the older kids and switch which room we’re reading in. We usually let them listen to a kids’ podcast to fall asleep so we don’t have to stay in there all night. Our rule is they can be up “reading” in bed as long as it takes to fall asleep, but they can’t be out of their room unless they need something. They’re pretty good about it, but this whole thing usually takes two people an hour and a half. However, it is the sweetest time of day with lots of laughs and cuddles, and I’m sure it will look different when our oldest reads independently—for example, does he read to the baby? Could we read to him and his sister together every night and then let him have independent reading time? Everything is a phase in parenting.
Oh I remember those days. We were fortunate that the three were very close and age and in development, but bedtime always felt like an exercise in crowd control. We started by turning story time into a bit of performance, asking one at a time (never shy) to act out what they heard. This form of story time became a reward. Go to bed peacefully for two nights and we’ll do this together on the third.
Usually on that third night “story time” would start 30-40 minutes earlier than regular bed time. It worked out pretty well, even though I felt like I was winging the parenting thing EVERY SINGLE DAY. Sigh…
My kids are 2.5 years apart, currently 7.5 and youngest just turned 5. My husband is a high school soccer coach for both boys and girls teams so he’s in season for 7 months out of the year and gets home somewhere in the bedtime chaos most of that time. We always theoretically read 2 books to each kid per night but depending on if they liked each others books or were running around a lot and not able to pick a book we could cut it down to 1 or send one out of the room (my boys share a room but we have a one story house so my either kid might have either a parent read to them in the living room or do a puzzle or legos while the other kid is getting a book).
When my youngest was 1 we still had different bedtimes and would put him to bed first then read to oldest in living room and only go in their room once he was fully ready for bed and sing his bedtime songs. We have a strong routine, but we don’t run through it smoothly. especially because my husband often gets home right at bedtime in season he is part of the dragging out process.
Currently 5 yo is still in childcare 3 days a week and eventually falling asleep at the end of their rest time and I suspect when he starts kindergarten in a few weeks(!) more of the issues of him not actually being tired will be resolved.
The aspect that I like of bedtime now is my oldest will read a book to himself while one of us reads to his brother. Oldest still likes to be read to as well but my capacity for reading aloud maxes out at about 20-25 minutes and he often likes to read for 45 and finish a full Cat Kid/Dog Man/whatever book he’s reading. Here in summer they’re going to sleep around 9 but I have still had to be the person who stops the reading some nights. If I didn’t make him turn the lights out I suspect he would stay up much later though generally we don’t go back in.
As I look back on the last 7.5 years I love having the memories of all the books we have read and songs we have sung even if at least half the time I still feel like bedtime takes longer than I want it to- when they were literal babies and didn’t push back on the routine it was only 20-30 minutes but I need to accept that 45 minutes- hour is more realistic now.
Also forgot to add at 4 and 1.5 we had been singing the Daniel Tiger bedtime song for about 2 years and that always helped to keep my kids on track- Bathtime, PJs, brush teeth, story and song and off to bed. Didn’t do bath every night and usually had 2 stories and 2 songs but that was a very helpful touch point for us at least through my oldest starting kindergarten.
We have four kids--so bedtime structure and strategy has changed from year to year depending on ages and stages. I think that is my piece of "wisdom", it's okay if it changes and looks different as kids' interests and needs change (also parents NEEDS too). When the kids were young, it was a pretty consistent reading of a book for each kid in the form of divide and conquer and a combined book if one parent was working late. Then eventually two kids were sharing a room, so then we fluctuated between alternating books or doing two books each night for the older kids. The night routine has changed again over the last year. The youngest has a book one on one in her room (but she goes to bed the earliest) and the others either read on their own or read with us in the evening but not necessarily at the moment of bedtime. Tune in to what works for your family and know it doesn't need to look one way.
Appreciating all the comments here, especially the ones that affirm my feelings that this is the hardest part of the day (and really the only QT I get with my kids). Our routine seems to work for everyone but me and I'm trying to be OK with that. My kids are 3 and (almost) 6 and both are sensory seekers. After PJs, vitamins, and tooth brushing, they like to play their version of "keepy uppy" (from Bluey... IYKYK) with dad. It involves lots of rough housing and jumping on the bed. Sometimes I read my oldest a few chapters from a picture book after the youngest goes to bed. Sometimes not. Just depends on how late it is. It's usually 8 p.m. before we're even getting to this point and I'm more than ready for them to go to bed. Both have a Yoto player and typically fall asleep listening to a story, which I'm okay with. I'm a reader and obviously know how important it is to read aloud to my kids, but it doesn't happen every day. There are a lot of days I have to let that ball fall so I can cook, clean, pack lunches, and try not to completely lose my sanity.
It's not a ball falling -- it's really not. Audiobooks are perfectly adequete "reading aloud" -- it imparts every single ounce of goodness except the physical and emotional bonding (which is important, of course!) Your sanity >>> reading aloud. I mean it. Let the audiobooks take that burden from your shoulders, mama.
Right now, and it changes frequently, one of us is reading a book to the 6 yr old while the 10 yr old (already efficiently brushed/washed/pj’d) reads or journals in their bed, then 6 gets ready, pops into bed, and I read some of a chapter book to them both before a Headspace sleepcast. They share a room, which makes this possible, and if they start to agitate for their own rooms, everything will fall apart and I’ll cry and have no idea what to do. As you do while parenting…
What I did - try to 'wind them down' at the same time; baby would likely take longer (feeds, bath) but doing everything feels chaotic and busy but having them *both* nap + bedtime at the same time also feels more peaceful when it's done! Does your older one like to help with baby? They can get in on some of the 'tasks' like helping with baby's diaper, clothing, etc. Honestly I think wind down + books usually took us about 45-60 min. each night. It feels long when I write it out but it was just the final chunk of our day.
I would read a board book or two with both in my lap (or however that configures), put baby to bed, and then read 1 book with just the older, and then put them to bed. My two slept in the same room for years so having them 'down' together was just normal. Whatever you do - make sure YOU want to do it
I'd recommend Meg read a shared book that she selects, then each of her children select one book to read after (either together or separately if she has a partner to divide and conquer). Especially at ages 4 and 1, there should be enough overlap and if you're 1 yo (or 4 yo) is getting antsy, allow them to do something else while reading. That's how we've been doing it in our household for many years.
My kids are now 8 yo and 6 yo. We read a shared book together as a family for about 30 min; we're currently finishing Anne of Green Gables (we often do a slew of picture books in between finishing a chapter book and starting a new one). The kids are allowed to have a snack plate during this time, draw or color, or sit quietly and cuddle.
Then, we split up (alternating each night) and one of us goes with my 8 year old and one of us with my 6 year old. With my 8 year old, she brushes her teeth, gets in her PJs, and then she will either read aloud whatever chapter book she is reading, or if she is feeling tired, she will read it to herself, while we bring whatever book we're reading and read side-by-side with her. With my 6 year old, we will read aloud a chapter book to her first(again picture books in between finishing/starting new chapter books), and then she brushes her teeth, gets in her PJs and goes to bed.
We read one-on-one in this way for another 20-30 min. And because of how we divide the reading/getting ready for bed activities, they are not in their shared bathroom at the same time. They also have separate rooms, which admittedly makes things easier as well. Finally, we do NOT do bathtime every night and never have, which gives us a lot more time at night. Once a week has always worked for us.
They usually pick their own books for their 1-1 time, but not always, and we usually pick the shared book as a family from a selection of two or three choices that I've curated ahead of time.
I’m an auntie who is a dedicated story reader to all my littles. But I’ll share what my sister-in-law does. Kiddos are 6 and 4.
In our family we have a very book friendly culture and we all have a policy of reading to them books they choose almost whenever they wish (within reason). So, at bedtime my sister in law (mom) picks the book. She finds chapter books that have some kind of illustration on most pages and reads a chapter before bed. They’re also allowed to bring books they choose into bed with them to read on their own afterwards.
They get to choose during the day, and for their own reading, but mom chooses at bedtime. And they love listening to mom read. They’ve done Zoey Sassafras, Paddington, Heartwood Hotel and others and they’ve been engaging for both. It helps that the age gap is not huge.
I love hearing from aunts, uncles, and other family members that are involved in building a culture of reading in a family and for kids. The more grownups children have — related or not — that love to read and read to them in particular, the greater the likelihood that love will be passed down. You’re a fantastic auntie!
Now that mine are all getting a little bit older (I’m an auntie to 8, soon to be 10- the oldest of which is 11!) I’m starting an Auntie’s Library which will be open for borrowing. I’m going to have catalogue cards and everything. I’m really looking forward to curating favourites for them.
I have 11 now — omg — but before I married into that role, I just had the one, and for Christmas one year I gave her the present of a one-on-one book club just between the two of us. She was in 5th grade and really struggling to read and we did it for years — so many books between the two of us.
I love seeing everyone say it shifts and changes! So much truth in that. Mine are 2 years apart (3&5) and we’ve started with them each picking a book and then picking a number between one and ten…whoever’s closest gets their book read first, but I could imagine taking turns working well for that too! Then we hop in bed and have a “lights out book” where I read one chapter of a chapter book without very many pictures (fewer interruptions) while they are in bed with lights out. My littlest is less likely to key in for all the chapter book bits because they are over her head so I just try my best to be patient and consistent with the interruptions. It’s not perfect but it’s working out for us (so far, for now, until the next thing changes and we rethink the whole thing)
Best of luck and you are not alone in trying to figure out how to juggle bedtime! I had a mom tell me reading for bedtime didn’t work at all for them and they found other special set aside times in the day to read instead!
We were fortunate enough to be able to divide and conquer as well. We would split duties, each parent reading to a child and then alternating each night. When my spouse was traveling, when they were much younger I’d often read to both at the same time together since we had a lot of overlap of books we all enjoyed. That eventually grew to the older kid doing something independent while I read and tucked in the younger one, and then swapped to the older one and read and tucked him in. At least this wasn’t too often because it did either drag the bedtime out very long, or sometimes would feel rushed if I had something I needed to do after getting them to bed.
And it does get easier! For both, once they got old enough they would actually read our favorite books to me out loud, which was awesome. Now they are 12 and 9…bedtime routines now are mostly tucking them in and giving them a little bit of independent quiet time before lights out. Because it’s summer we’re a little more lax in when lights out is at the moment, but it works :-).
When we have a really busy schedule, like right now with swim classes at 7pm, I make it a point to do reading earlier in the day. And if you can only read one story, you as the parent should pick the story and probably hear it more towards the older kid. The younger one may not understand everything completely, but reading aloud is still reading and it will still be captivating for the one year old.
My kids are 5 and 8, and I do this when I read family chapter books—I usually lean heavily towards books for my 8 year old and usually my 5 year old doesn’t mind.
My two are 3.5 and 16 months, and after bath/pjs/teeth, we read 2ish books on big sister’s bed, usually ones that are a bit more oriented to her age than the books we read at bedtime when she was 16 months, and then we usually close with a board book that is more oriented towards little brother (or Ten Nine Eight at Sarah’s recommendation!). Then we say prayers, sing song, say good night to big sister and then after I put the baby down in his room I go back in for a quick check and kiss for big sister (and lately to bring in two pretzels because “Mom, I soooo hungry!”). To fill the void of not reading so many of the new toddler books which I love to read and know my little one will enjoy, I try to read those sorts of books to him in the morning while I feed him breakfast (also Sarah’s recommendation—thank you!!!). This bedtime system usually works if nobody is overtired and often requires a bit of wrestling of the little guy to not climb on his sister, take her stuffed animals, etc, and almost always involves me reading on and letting it go during at least part of one of the books despite the fact that I know nobody is listening at that particular moment. It also helps if 16mo has a board book with flaps to read on his own if the picture book is too much for his stage/to help keep his attention. Sometimes it goes great, other times I want to pull my hair out, it just depends!
This comment section is gold! It is very validating to see other families spending about an hour on bedtime--I thought we were the only ones! My children are almost 3 and almost 5, and our routine consists of brushing teeth, bath, stories, prayers and into bed. We read two books each night and we read them together; each child gets to pick one. Occasionally we will read a third story, if there is one they both (or I) really want to read. Sometimes I will read with each child individually, but only if they request it or everyone's moods will seem to benefit from it. I like reading together so we have the bonding time and the littles can practice taking turns. My children have their own rooms, so I do prayers and tuck them in separately. My oldest waits in his room while I tuck in my youngest.
Thank you for starting this conversation, Meg and Sarah!
This is always an adventure and never perfect, but my solution for my 3 was to read one book to the youngest in their bed while the older kids looked at books in theirs. Then I went to read to the next oldest, etc. Everyone got at least one book or chapter this way, but yes it took forever and yes I was exhausted for years and years 😏 If there was something everyone wanted, kids might squish together, but there were always three books!
My husband and I would divide and conquer - each of us would take one bedtime and then we’d switch which kid’s bedtime we did every other night. That way they could be out to bed by either parent. Of course this assumes a 2-partner household which is not the situation everyone has! When I travel, our older son does something independently while my husband puts the 3.5 year old to bed. Their bedtimes are different enough that they can be done completely separately. However, that does mean we spent a good hour putting the kids to bed. It has gotten shorter as the older son (age 6) reads independently now so he will read a chapter with me and then reads on his own in bed for 10-15 minutes before we turn his lights out.
I have a 3 and 6 yo and we start the routine together with each of them getting to pick one book I read aloud. Then I put my youngest to bed & my husband puts our oldest down, reading her another book or two. If my husband is traveling, my oldest does something independently in her room while I put youngest down then come to her. It all takes about an hour-ish. I wish it was shorter but after just being on vacation & out of our routine (bedtime took 2 hours 🤯), this seems to be working well for us overall.
Divide and conquer—husband bathes the older two while I put the baby down, including a little baby book. About an hour later, we each take one kid and read a book to the four year old and a chapter of a book to the five and a half year old, switching kids each night. When my husband is traveling, I read the same book to the older kids and switch which room we’re reading in. We usually let them listen to a kids’ podcast to fall asleep so we don’t have to stay in there all night. Our rule is they can be up “reading” in bed as long as it takes to fall asleep, but they can’t be out of their room unless they need something. They’re pretty good about it, but this whole thing usually takes two people an hour and a half. However, it is the sweetest time of day with lots of laughs and cuddles, and I’m sure it will look different when our oldest reads independently—for example, does he read to the baby? Could we read to him and his sister together every night and then let him have independent reading time? Everything is a phase in parenting.
Oh I remember those days. We were fortunate that the three were very close and age and in development, but bedtime always felt like an exercise in crowd control. We started by turning story time into a bit of performance, asking one at a time (never shy) to act out what they heard. This form of story time became a reward. Go to bed peacefully for two nights and we’ll do this together on the third.
Usually on that third night “story time” would start 30-40 minutes earlier than regular bed time. It worked out pretty well, even though I felt like I was winging the parenting thing EVERY SINGLE DAY. Sigh…
No wonder several of your children became performers, Glenn! What a gift you gave to them.
My kids are 2.5 years apart, currently 7.5 and youngest just turned 5. My husband is a high school soccer coach for both boys and girls teams so he’s in season for 7 months out of the year and gets home somewhere in the bedtime chaos most of that time. We always theoretically read 2 books to each kid per night but depending on if they liked each others books or were running around a lot and not able to pick a book we could cut it down to 1 or send one out of the room (my boys share a room but we have a one story house so my either kid might have either a parent read to them in the living room or do a puzzle or legos while the other kid is getting a book).
When my youngest was 1 we still had different bedtimes and would put him to bed first then read to oldest in living room and only go in their room once he was fully ready for bed and sing his bedtime songs. We have a strong routine, but we don’t run through it smoothly. especially because my husband often gets home right at bedtime in season he is part of the dragging out process.
Currently 5 yo is still in childcare 3 days a week and eventually falling asleep at the end of their rest time and I suspect when he starts kindergarten in a few weeks(!) more of the issues of him not actually being tired will be resolved.
The aspect that I like of bedtime now is my oldest will read a book to himself while one of us reads to his brother. Oldest still likes to be read to as well but my capacity for reading aloud maxes out at about 20-25 minutes and he often likes to read for 45 and finish a full Cat Kid/Dog Man/whatever book he’s reading. Here in summer they’re going to sleep around 9 but I have still had to be the person who stops the reading some nights. If I didn’t make him turn the lights out I suspect he would stay up much later though generally we don’t go back in.
As I look back on the last 7.5 years I love having the memories of all the books we have read and songs we have sung even if at least half the time I still feel like bedtime takes longer than I want it to- when they were literal babies and didn’t push back on the routine it was only 20-30 minutes but I need to accept that 45 minutes- hour is more realistic now.
Also forgot to add at 4 and 1.5 we had been singing the Daniel Tiger bedtime song for about 2 years and that always helped to keep my kids on track- Bathtime, PJs, brush teeth, story and song and off to bed. Didn’t do bath every night and usually had 2 stories and 2 songs but that was a very helpful touch point for us at least through my oldest starting kindergarten.
" We have a strong routine, but we don’t run through it smoothly." I FEEL THIS SO HARD.
We have four kids--so bedtime structure and strategy has changed from year to year depending on ages and stages. I think that is my piece of "wisdom", it's okay if it changes and looks different as kids' interests and needs change (also parents NEEDS too). When the kids were young, it was a pretty consistent reading of a book for each kid in the form of divide and conquer and a combined book if one parent was working late. Then eventually two kids were sharing a room, so then we fluctuated between alternating books or doing two books each night for the older kids. The night routine has changed again over the last year. The youngest has a book one on one in her room (but she goes to bed the earliest) and the others either read on their own or read with us in the evening but not necessarily at the moment of bedtime. Tune in to what works for your family and know it doesn't need to look one way.
There are no rules! Love this.
Appreciating all the comments here, especially the ones that affirm my feelings that this is the hardest part of the day (and really the only QT I get with my kids). Our routine seems to work for everyone but me and I'm trying to be OK with that. My kids are 3 and (almost) 6 and both are sensory seekers. After PJs, vitamins, and tooth brushing, they like to play their version of "keepy uppy" (from Bluey... IYKYK) with dad. It involves lots of rough housing and jumping on the bed. Sometimes I read my oldest a few chapters from a picture book after the youngest goes to bed. Sometimes not. Just depends on how late it is. It's usually 8 p.m. before we're even getting to this point and I'm more than ready for them to go to bed. Both have a Yoto player and typically fall asleep listening to a story, which I'm okay with. I'm a reader and obviously know how important it is to read aloud to my kids, but it doesn't happen every day. There are a lot of days I have to let that ball fall so I can cook, clean, pack lunches, and try not to completely lose my sanity.
It's not a ball falling -- it's really not. Audiobooks are perfectly adequete "reading aloud" -- it imparts every single ounce of goodness except the physical and emotional bonding (which is important, of course!) Your sanity >>> reading aloud. I mean it. Let the audiobooks take that burden from your shoulders, mama.
Thank you! 💛
Right now, and it changes frequently, one of us is reading a book to the 6 yr old while the 10 yr old (already efficiently brushed/washed/pj’d) reads or journals in their bed, then 6 gets ready, pops into bed, and I read some of a chapter book to them both before a Headspace sleepcast. They share a room, which makes this possible, and if they start to agitate for their own rooms, everything will fall apart and I’ll cry and have no idea what to do. As you do while parenting…
What I did - try to 'wind them down' at the same time; baby would likely take longer (feeds, bath) but doing everything feels chaotic and busy but having them *both* nap + bedtime at the same time also feels more peaceful when it's done! Does your older one like to help with baby? They can get in on some of the 'tasks' like helping with baby's diaper, clothing, etc. Honestly I think wind down + books usually took us about 45-60 min. each night. It feels long when I write it out but it was just the final chunk of our day.
I would read a board book or two with both in my lap (or however that configures), put baby to bed, and then read 1 book with just the older, and then put them to bed. My two slept in the same room for years so having them 'down' together was just normal. Whatever you do - make sure YOU want to do it
I'd recommend Meg read a shared book that she selects, then each of her children select one book to read after (either together or separately if she has a partner to divide and conquer). Especially at ages 4 and 1, there should be enough overlap and if you're 1 yo (or 4 yo) is getting antsy, allow them to do something else while reading. That's how we've been doing it in our household for many years.
My kids are now 8 yo and 6 yo. We read a shared book together as a family for about 30 min; we're currently finishing Anne of Green Gables (we often do a slew of picture books in between finishing a chapter book and starting a new one). The kids are allowed to have a snack plate during this time, draw or color, or sit quietly and cuddle.
Then, we split up (alternating each night) and one of us goes with my 8 year old and one of us with my 6 year old. With my 8 year old, she brushes her teeth, gets in her PJs, and then she will either read aloud whatever chapter book she is reading, or if she is feeling tired, she will read it to herself, while we bring whatever book we're reading and read side-by-side with her. With my 6 year old, we will read aloud a chapter book to her first(again picture books in between finishing/starting new chapter books), and then she brushes her teeth, gets in her PJs and goes to bed.
We read one-on-one in this way for another 20-30 min. And because of how we divide the reading/getting ready for bed activities, they are not in their shared bathroom at the same time. They also have separate rooms, which admittedly makes things easier as well. Finally, we do NOT do bathtime every night and never have, which gives us a lot more time at night. Once a week has always worked for us.
They usually pick their own books for their 1-1 time, but not always, and we usually pick the shared book as a family from a selection of two or three choices that I've curated ahead of time.
Look at what you've built, Rebecca. Wow. Just wow.
I’m an auntie who is a dedicated story reader to all my littles. But I’ll share what my sister-in-law does. Kiddos are 6 and 4.
In our family we have a very book friendly culture and we all have a policy of reading to them books they choose almost whenever they wish (within reason). So, at bedtime my sister in law (mom) picks the book. She finds chapter books that have some kind of illustration on most pages and reads a chapter before bed. They’re also allowed to bring books they choose into bed with them to read on their own afterwards.
They get to choose during the day, and for their own reading, but mom chooses at bedtime. And they love listening to mom read. They’ve done Zoey Sassafras, Paddington, Heartwood Hotel and others and they’ve been engaging for both. It helps that the age gap is not huge.
I love hearing from aunts, uncles, and other family members that are involved in building a culture of reading in a family and for kids. The more grownups children have — related or not — that love to read and read to them in particular, the greater the likelihood that love will be passed down. You’re a fantastic auntie!
Well thank you! It’s pretty much the most important role in my life ❤️
I hear you. Outside of the births of my own children, the day I became an aunt (19 years ago!) was the best day of my life.
I love that.
Now that mine are all getting a little bit older (I’m an auntie to 8, soon to be 10- the oldest of which is 11!) I’m starting an Auntie’s Library which will be open for borrowing. I’m going to have catalogue cards and everything. I’m really looking forward to curating favourites for them.
Auntie’s Library! What an amazing idea!
I have 11 now — omg — but before I married into that role, I just had the one, and for Christmas one year I gave her the present of a one-on-one book club just between the two of us. She was in 5th grade and really struggling to read and we did it for years — so many books between the two of us.
That is so special! I would just treasure having a book club with my niece. Maybe when she’s older we can do that together.
I’m sure your niece cherished that you took the time to make reading exciting for her.
I love seeing everyone say it shifts and changes! So much truth in that. Mine are 2 years apart (3&5) and we’ve started with them each picking a book and then picking a number between one and ten…whoever’s closest gets their book read first, but I could imagine taking turns working well for that too! Then we hop in bed and have a “lights out book” where I read one chapter of a chapter book without very many pictures (fewer interruptions) while they are in bed with lights out. My littlest is less likely to key in for all the chapter book bits because they are over her head so I just try my best to be patient and consistent with the interruptions. It’s not perfect but it’s working out for us (so far, for now, until the next thing changes and we rethink the whole thing)
Best of luck and you are not alone in trying to figure out how to juggle bedtime! I had a mom tell me reading for bedtime didn’t work at all for them and they found other special set aside times in the day to read instead!
We were fortunate enough to be able to divide and conquer as well. We would split duties, each parent reading to a child and then alternating each night. When my spouse was traveling, when they were much younger I’d often read to both at the same time together since we had a lot of overlap of books we all enjoyed. That eventually grew to the older kid doing something independent while I read and tucked in the younger one, and then swapped to the older one and read and tucked him in. At least this wasn’t too often because it did either drag the bedtime out very long, or sometimes would feel rushed if I had something I needed to do after getting them to bed.
And it does get easier! For both, once they got old enough they would actually read our favorite books to me out loud, which was awesome. Now they are 12 and 9…bedtime routines now are mostly tucking them in and giving them a little bit of independent quiet time before lights out. Because it’s summer we’re a little more lax in when lights out is at the moment, but it works :-).
When we have a really busy schedule, like right now with swim classes at 7pm, I make it a point to do reading earlier in the day. And if you can only read one story, you as the parent should pick the story and probably hear it more towards the older kid. The younger one may not understand everything completely, but reading aloud is still reading and it will still be captivating for the one year old.
My kids are 5 and 8, and I do this when I read family chapter books—I usually lean heavily towards books for my 8 year old and usually my 5 year old doesn’t mind.
I meant *pick* a book that’s suited more for the older kid
My two are 3.5 and 16 months, and after bath/pjs/teeth, we read 2ish books on big sister’s bed, usually ones that are a bit more oriented to her age than the books we read at bedtime when she was 16 months, and then we usually close with a board book that is more oriented towards little brother (or Ten Nine Eight at Sarah’s recommendation!). Then we say prayers, sing song, say good night to big sister and then after I put the baby down in his room I go back in for a quick check and kiss for big sister (and lately to bring in two pretzels because “Mom, I soooo hungry!”). To fill the void of not reading so many of the new toddler books which I love to read and know my little one will enjoy, I try to read those sorts of books to him in the morning while I feed him breakfast (also Sarah’s recommendation—thank you!!!). This bedtime system usually works if nobody is overtired and often requires a bit of wrestling of the little guy to not climb on his sister, take her stuffed animals, etc, and almost always involves me reading on and letting it go during at least part of one of the books despite the fact that I know nobody is listening at that particular moment. It also helps if 16mo has a board book with flaps to read on his own if the picture book is too much for his stage/to help keep his attention. Sometimes it goes great, other times I want to pull my hair out, it just depends!
You’re doing the hardest work (and an amazing job at it), mama.
This comment section is gold! It is very validating to see other families spending about an hour on bedtime--I thought we were the only ones! My children are almost 3 and almost 5, and our routine consists of brushing teeth, bath, stories, prayers and into bed. We read two books each night and we read them together; each child gets to pick one. Occasionally we will read a third story, if there is one they both (or I) really want to read. Sometimes I will read with each child individually, but only if they request it or everyone's moods will seem to benefit from it. I like reading together so we have the bonding time and the littles can practice taking turns. My children have their own rooms, so I do prayers and tuck them in separately. My oldest waits in his room while I tuck in my youngest.
Thank you for starting this conversation, Meg and Sarah!